Inside of Love
by loupalone
Summary: The internal struggle Sarah faces nearly every night. I'm on the outside of love, always under or above. Chuck/Sarah oneshot.


_Author's Note - I started this from a meme on LJ that I can't find anymore, but it was basically pick a song and write a little ficlet about it. Something like that. So as I was scrolling through my iTunes, I found the perfect song. I got this idea from "_Inside of Love"_ by Nada Surf, which I think is pretty much Sarah's theme song. You know, with some minor exceptions, but whatever. So yeah! This is my first fan-anything in a ridiculously long time, but you know, I just can't help it. So I guess, enjoy! _

_Oh also, I don't own Chuck, you know the drill. Its probably for the best, oh the things I would do. _

**Inside of Love**

Sarah eased herself out of the bed, careful not to make a sound as she moved the sheets from around her body and gathered her bra and panties from where they were discarded on the floor. Giving the sleeping mark one last backwards glance, she put back on the undergarments and found her dress where it had draped haphazardly on the chair in the hotel room. The blonde quickly put the satiny shift back on, careful to be out of hearing range when she zipped it up, gathering her shoes from around the room as well. Her bag had dropped in the feverish kissing but it hadn't taken long to find it, dropped nearly forgotten by the desk.

She sighed deeply, casting a long look around the hotel room for anything else before opening the door and slinking out, making sure the door didn't slam shut. Judging by the snoring of the mark, though, he wouldn't wake for a while. Sarah had made sure of that.

She took a deep breath, composing herself before walking to the bank of elevators on the floor of the hotel room. Jamming the button inwards with her finger, she pulled her phone from her purse, casually checking the time. 3:24 AM. A solitary ding resounded around her and she stepped in as the doors slid open and closed behind her. As soon as the doors closed she pulled a plastic card from the inside of her dress, near her hips. With a satisfied smile, she placed it into her clutch, leaving her phone out before snapping it shut.

The elevator floated effortlessly downwards as she scrolled easily through the maybe five contacts she had in her phone, pressing send and the screen to her ear.

"I got the intel. The bugs are placed." She said simply and the grunt on the other end informed her of a job well done.

"We're in the back parking lot. Good job, Walker."

She didn't even wait for the niceties of a goodbye before pressing the red picture and ending the call, just before the elevator stopped. There was the pause, Sarah composing herself once more, affecting a sheepish look on her face for any passers by before the doors slid open just after another beep. She strolled out, head down in the same sheepish manner before she stepped out the front doors. Giving the valet and doorman a shy smile, she immediately walked around the corner and out of their sight. The smile melted away to simply a blank face as she sighed heavily.

She shed the cover like a snake, shivering out of her skin as she approached the dark SUV in the back of the hotel and approached quietly. Well until she knocked the secret knock (that had been his idea) with a roll of her eyes and the door slid open to reveal the very tired and slightly irritated face of Casey.

"Let's go," he said gruffly, nodding towards their bleary eyed charge in the back. "Bartowski can't keep his eyes open."

"Can too!" Came the soft if childish reply from the back of the SUV, eliciting a grunt from Casey in return.

Sarah pulled herself in and Chuck turned to look at her slowly, offering her a small smile. And she couldn't help but smile back. Despite the look in his eyes, the one behind that joy at seeing her, that question that hung silently between them. Casey started the engine and they started to roll away as Sarah shifted in her spot, taking the card from her purse and handing it to Chuck in the back.

"Did you flash on anything?" Her voice was soft, tired, but determined and he gave the card a once over, flipping it to inspect both sides before shaking his head sleepily.

"Nothing." He said, a note of resignation to his voice and Casey sighed heavily.

"Hopefully we'll get something from the surveillance tonight."

The rest of the drive passed in relative silence, punctuated only by the soft snoring of Chuck in the backseat. The team returned to the apartment complex in Echo Park and Sarah was charge with rousing Chuck to get him inside. While Casey lugged the equipment back to his own apartment, Sarah twisted around her seat. The confines of the car didn't allow very much room for his long limbs, seeing one arm and leg draped over the back of the seat, the pair of headphones hooked into her microphone left on the floor of the car. His eyelashes fluttered as his eyes moved beneath the lids and Sarah let out another soft sigh, long and slow through her lips.

Immediately, she wondered what he dreamt about, before pushing the thought away. No. She had to get up, get him out of there, awake. The cold air was abrasive against her exposed skin as she hopped out of the car to the side that Chuck had his head leaned against. Opening the door slowly, his head lolled against the seat, the streetlights illuminating his face briefly. And she sucked in a breath, holding the cold air in her chest until it started to freeze the muscle and bone. Tentatively, she reached out, idly brushing some curls from his forehead before her fingers trailed down his jawline. No. She forced the feeling away and her hand moved to his shoulder, gently jostling him awake.

"Chuck," she whispered and he moaned, trying to shift but twisting his leg awkwardly before his eyes opened.

"We're here. Come on, you should get inside."

He sighed heavily and sat up carefully, untangling himself from the seat and trying not to hit his head. Sarah stepped back, ready to help him out should he need it, despite her anxious nagging that any more physical contact with him would end badly. But no, he was fine as he moved from the seat out of the car and she shut the door behind him. He stood for a second, letting the cold air wash over him and Sarah gave herself an inward shake, hard. Standing so close to him she had to be sure that this shake would do away with it all forever. But no. He looked at her with those heavy lidded eyes, let out a heavy sigh, and trudged on ahead of her, brushing past her without a word.

Maybe she was imagining it, she swore she saw the question in his eyes again, that hurtful wonder at what had happened in that hotel room and she bit her lower lip, lifting her head to the moon. This was a trap of epic proportions, she knew, and she fought all her heart against it. But there was that need, a physical yearning in her to be near him and touching him. To be inside of his love and let it wrap itself around her. No, she told herself, silently and firmly, setting her own face in retaliation. She'd had this argument many times before, and it always ended up the same way. A grisly image of Chuck on the ground, not moving, because of her inability to take a shot. And so she turned and followed Chuck to the apartment, stopping as she reached the gate to the courtyard. He stood at the front door, fiddling with his keys before he let his head droop, resigning himself to moving around to his window, left open no doubt by a previous trip made by Morgan. She heard him sigh before bending and crawling inside, leaving the window open.

She didn't want to think of what that meant, although no doubt he was already laying on his bed, still dressed. And yet, Sarah found herself moving towards that window, hesitating before stepping through, closing it shut behind her. And she'd been right, he was already sprawled out on the bed, giving his limbs the stretch they deserved from the cramped sleep he'd gotten on the ride home. He lifted his head lazily to her as she stepped through and let it fall, a slow rush of air escaping his nose.

"You can stay here tonight." It was soft and tired but the voice was unmistakable and if she'd been moving she would've stopped short. "I don't want you to drive home if you're just as tired as I am."

She strayed, stepping a few paces closer to him to look down. She offered him a small smile and shook her head slowly, as if unsure of this decision. And she was, very much so. While it would protect their cover, she knew there was nothing more dangerous for her right now than to crawl into that warm and inviting bed with his warm and inviting body. The struggle inside of her was intense still, every inward arm reaching out to pull her into bed with him, and one solitary arm tugging her back to the Porsche waiting behind the building.

"Goodnight, Chuck." Her smile was now sad as she moved back to the window, opening it and stepping out, closing it before he could see her shake. The small tremors were not uncommon anymore as she took calculated steps towards the back of the building, pulling her keys from her clutch and unlocking the car. Beepbeep. She slid into the driver's side and gripped the wheel after closing the door, gripping it until her knuckles turned from red to white. She knew what would happen if she gave in to the tremors, if she went back to that window and crawled into bed with him, fitting her body against his. She knew that last page well, the same one with Chuck on the ground, unmoving. So she refused to start.

Starting the engine, she revved it once before pulling out, speeding away from Echo Park to her empty hotel room, avoiding the temptation as fast as she could.

Of course I'll be alright, she told herself. I just had a bad night.


End file.
